I will do odd things in public around strangers or my best friends - wear costumes, walk funny, start singing a random song - because I know my friends won't care and strangers don't matter because I'll never see them again.
When it comes to people I don't know as well, though, I'm totally different; I have this unshakeable unconscious thought that people will find me annoying or unlikeable even in my everyday mannerisms, so I'm always hyper-paranoid about what I say or do. Not that I necessarily change my normal behavior, but I'm always watching people to see how or if they react.
I'm not sure why I do this. Theoretically, I should be as weird as I want, and assume that if they can't handle my oddball self, they shouldn't be my friends anyway. But it's hard to convince myself of that.
On the same note, I've come to the conclusion that a lot of the dynamic of the relationship between me and my sister revolves around embarrassment. She's embarrassed (I know this even though she almost never says anything) at my lack of inhibition in public (see above), and I would be embarrassed to have a lot of the music she listens to in my collection, or the books/movies she reads on my shelf. She sees this as a morally superior position on her part, because in her world, listening to any and all music, regardless of its quality, makes her more openminded in general. I, in turn, think I am the superior one because I have more discerning tastes. (That's not to say I don't have some guilty pleasures in all arenas, because I totally do.)
Also, I think we both think the other person is trying to prove something. I think she's trying to prove something by acting like the stereotypical teenybopper college freshman, at least in some areas, and she probably thinks I'm trying to prove something by acting wacky and dyeing my hair and being a political loudmouth.
Where is this post going?
I HAVE NO IDEA.
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