I don't even know.

Hi, guys, I'm back. I gotta stop taking these month-long hiatuses (hiati?). I just haven't been too inspired lately.

Last night I went to a rugby party. I don't actually play rugby - I don't even want to, considering I can't stick a tackle - but my friend Vanessa told me she would hunt me down like a bandersnatch if I didn't at least come to the women's team callout meeting, so I did so I could meet some new people and break up the monotony of my life a little bit. Anyway, the meeting was short and then one of the officers had everyone over for what I soon learned was a traditional rugby party.

Everyone on the team has a nickname, or at least most people do. I met Curtis, Pops, and Cake, among other people. A drunk girl named Duckie promptly dubbed me "Broccoli", since my turquoise hair has faded to pale green, and it stuck, at least for the night.

I don't know why it's such a big fucking deal for me to feel comfortable in a group setting, but I did, even though I didn't know most of these people and I wasn't even drinking. I think they were impressed with my ability to endure ass-slaps unfazed, and possibly my willingness to dance alone in an awkward manner. (Not sure on that last one, but I can hope.) So now my problem is, I want to hang out with this group again, but I still don't want to play rugby. First of all, I'm not at all athletic. Second, I don't like pain. And third, practice is four times a week and I just do not have that kind of time. (Also, it's a lot of money to invest in something I might not follow through on.)

Why am I such a social freak? Why do I have to congratulate myself for successfully socializing with people? Why do I have this unconscious opinion that it's better for people to have no opinion of me at all than to give them the chance to think something bad about me?